I’m a florist, but I refused to do flowers for my gay friend’s wedding
My relationship with God trumps my connection to anyone on Earth. And now I’m getting sued.
Barronelle Stutzman is owner of Arlene's Flowers in Richland, Wash.
I’ve
been a florist in Richmond, Wash., for more than 30 years. In that
time, I’ve developed close relationships with many of my clients.
One
of my favorites was Rob Ingersoll. Ingersoll came in often and we’d
talk. Like me, he had an artistic eye. I’d try to create really special
arrangements for him. I knew he was gay, but it didn’t matter — I
enjoyed his company and his creativity.
Then he asked me to
create the floral arrangements for his wedding. I love Rob, and I’d
always been happy to design for his special days. But there’s something
different about a wedding.
Every person in the creative
professions regularly has to make decisions about where they lend their
artistic talents and which events they will participate in. For me,
it’s never about the person who walks into the shop, but about the
message I’m communicating when someone asks me to “say it with flowers.”
I
was raised Christian. In my religious tradition, marriage is a sacred
religious ceremony between a man, a woman and Christ. It’s a covenant
with the church. To participate in a wedding that violates those
principles violates the core of my faith.
When Rob asked me, I
thought about it carefully. I talked over the decision with my husband,
and I prayed. But ultimately I know I had to stay true to my faith. I
couldn’t do it.
When I told Rob, I
felt terrible that I couldn’t share this day with him, as I’d shared so
many with him before. I took his hands and said, “I’m sorry I can’t do
your wedding because of my relationship with Jesus Christ.” Rob said he
understood, and that he hoped his mom would walk him down the aisle, but he wasn’t sure. We
talked about how he got engaged and why they decided to get married
after all these years. He asked me for the names of other flower shops. I
gave him the names of three floral artists that I knew would do a good
job, because I knew he would want something very special. We hugged and
he left.
I never imagined what would happen next.
Washington State Attorney General Bob Ferguson sued me after hearing in
the media what had happened. That was shocking. Even more surprising,
Rob and his partner Curt, with their ACLU attorneys, filed suit shortly
thereafter. A judge ruled against me, but this week, with the help of
the Alliance Defending Freedom, I appealed.
We’ve
always heard that same-sex marriage would never affect anyone aside
from the same-sex couples who wanted to be married. But a judge recently
told me that my freedom to live and work according to my beliefs about
marriage expired the day same-sex marriage became the law in my state.
Our
government is supposed to protect our First Amendment rights — freedom
of religion and expression. But the government is telling me I can only
be a faithful Christian within the four walls of my church. That’s
impossible and it’s unjust. What would Rob and Curt say if the
government told them they could only be who they are in their own homes?
This
isn’t about bigotry. I’ve had gay and lesbian employees and friends.
And it’s important to remember that Rob was a long-time customer and
friend despite our different beliefs about marriage. When I had to refer
him for this one event, I did everything I could to avoid hurting his
feelings and I believed we would remain friends when he left the shop.
He got enough offers after this situation became public to do about 20
weddings.
In Washington, Rob and Curt have the right to get a
marriage license. But that doesn’t mean that the state should be able to
force people in the creative professions like myself to create
expression celebrating the ceremonies. We all have different viewpoints
about how to live our lives. One thing I’ve loved about our country is
that we protect the freedom of artistic expression and the right to
disagree over these kinds of issues without one side being threatened by
the government over it.
But whatever the state says and however
they want to try to punish me, they can’t change my faith. What happens
in my business or my life is in God’s hands. Having a clear conscience
means much more to me than any amount of money or my business. Rob and
Curt have their beliefs about marriage and aren’t being stopped by the
state from living them out. I only ask for the same freedom.